I’ve been working with a holistic healer, “K-M”, for the past 10 years.
She’s the combination of a teacher, therapist, coach, psychic, big sister, intuitive, drill sergeant, and loving fairy godmother.
We had a healing session yesterday, after taking a long absence from working with one another, and dove deep into my “shadow”.
The shadow is a psychological term for everything you can’t see in yourself.
The shadow is the “dark side” of your personality because it consists chiefly of primitive, negative human emotions and impulses like rage, envy, greed, selfishness, desire, and the striving for power.
EVERYONE has a shadow…
Working with your shadow can be a brutal introspective process; however, leads to greater authenticity, creativity, energy, and personal awakening.
My holistic healer, “K-M”, is brilliant at her approach; however, extremely tough – she’s void of any bullshit and cuts right to the heart of the matter, regardless of how difficult it is for me to hear.
Yesterday, we focused on my ego, which she claims is pretty massive……
She shared the following with me….
“Your approach to the work that you do, Adam, falls under the old patriarchal paradigm of seeking achievement and recognition, yet is delivered under the guise of being in service to others.”
This was not easy for me to hear, AND at the same time, gives me an opportunity to get real, and be honest with myself.
Over the past 24 hours, I’ve explored what “K-M” shared with me and questioned the reasons as to “why” I choose to be a coach…..
How does my approach to coaching contribute to the old patriarchal paradigm?
How does my subconscious need for power, achievement and recognition impact my day to day?
How do I create more self-awareness around these subject matters?
Here’s what’s come forward for me…
When I reside in my head, I live heavily in my ego, and seek out solutions to the problems I encounter, which ultimately leads to suffering, and dissociation, via an endless search for power. This is the old patriarchal paradigm.
When I feel into my body, connect to my emotions, and move into my heart, I’m able to break free from the old, subconscious, ego-driven patterns, and truly come from a place of being in service to others, void of the need for achievement and recognition.
During the last 24 hours, I’ve found myself getting frustrated and saying things such as,
“WHY, after working with her for 10 years, does this continue to show up for me?!”
“I SHOULD have moved beyond this ego stuff already!”
“I NEED to resolve this issue!”
AND, when these types of ego-driven responses show up for me, I have to remind myself that I am a work in progress….
I have to remind myself to be gentle with myself….
I have to remind myself that sometimes old patterns die hard.
AND, through this process, I’ve reminded myself of WHY I’m alive on this planet….
It’s to continue to evolve….
To continue to grow…..
To continue to learn…..
To continue to seek support when I need it most, and don’t think I need it at all.
Working with my shadow gives me an opportunity to make the shifts that I desire, even if I’m not able to consistently and fully embody them just yet.
It gives me an opportunity to lean into the new paradigm – to reside in my heart and approach my profession from a place of truly being in service to others.
The shadow work keeps me humble, even though my ego desperately wants recognition and achievement…
It keeps me on my toes, as it forces me to look into the darkness that resides from within.
AND, it gives me hope, because it is through the darkness, that we often find the light.