Do you tend to be hard on yourself?

When I ask this question of the individuals and groups that I work with, the resounding response is often…..YES!

This probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you, because there’s a really good chance that you’ve answered “yes” as well.

I mean, when you think about it, It’s most likely part of your nature to be hard on yourself….

……most things that you do in your life have a certain level of competition baked into the process, and being in competition, albeit a wonderful thing on many levels, can often be misconstrued for being in comparison.

And this is where the slope gets slippery…..

What type of job do you have?

How much money do you make?

Do you have a family?

Are you doing what you love?

All of these are very fair questions on the surface, but inevitably, either consciously, or subconsciously, force you to compare yourself to others.

And if they don’t force you to compare yourself to others, they force you to compare yourself to the things that you SHOULD be doing differently.

And when you SHOULD on yourself, things can get really messy.

I should have a different job.

I should make more money.

I should have a family.

I should be doing what I love.

When you reside in the place of comparing yourself to others, or in the SHOULD statements, you’re essentially residing is in the place of, “I’m not good enough”.

Does this sound familiar?

From all the coaching work that I’ve done with people, I think it’s fair to say that this way of relating to oneself has become an epidemic.

And it makes sense!…..

…..when you consider how much shit you’re being force fed that tells you, “hey dude, you’re not good enough.”.….guess what…..you start to believe it!

So, the next question I ask people after the, “Are you hard on yourself?” question, is, “Do you give yourself compassion?”

The responses I get from people vary – most often, people aren’t sure if they do, or don’t know how to do it.

So, if you find yourself in the “I’m not good enough” place, there’s a really simple, and effective 3-step formula to give yourself compassion:

1. The first step is to recognize that the “I’m not good enough” statement is a judgement you’re holding against yourself.

2. The second step is to forgive yourself for the judgement, “I forgive myself for judging myself for not being good enough.”

3. The third step is to speak the truth, “The truth is that I’m amazing”, or whatever, resounding positive affirmation works best for you.

I learned this 3-step process from one of my teachers and use it frequently with myself and my clients.

It may feel a little corny, or uncomfortable at first, but is incredibly effective.

Take notice if you find yourself in comparison this week – try on the 3 step process. Let me know how it goes.

Cheers,
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