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Ask for What You Want

By November 14, 2018October 9th, 2019No Comments

In my past, I struggled to ask for the things that I wanted.

As a result, I would get stuck in situations that didn’t feel completely in alignment with my inner desires, and settle for less.

I would often feel frustrated by my lack of decisiveness and succumb to distractions that would keep me off course.

What I learned over time is that I neglected to look deeper within myself and consider “why” I wanted certain things.

I neglected to tap into the emotions that were the driving force behind my desires.

I didn’t take the necessary time to slow down and gain clarity.

I refrained from identifying the fears that thwarted me from pursuing my dreams.

Over the years, I’ve learned how to work with my fears and pursue the things that I want in my life.

Sometimes my fears are easily recognized and other times, not so much.

I’ve developed skills and processes that enable me to work with my fears and use them to my advantage.

When I work with my clients who are experiencing fear, or uncertainty, the first thing that I encourage them to do is to identify how they’re feeling.

I’ll often say, “Before we go any further, how does this situation make you feel?

This is a powerful question because it encourages the person to take ownership of their emotions and sets the stage to ask for the things that they want.

Often times, when I ask this question, the initial response that I’ll get is, “I don’t know”.

So, of course, I’ll pause and then ask the question again, “how are you feeling?”, and most times, when the other person takes time to reflect, I’ll get authentic responses….

I feel scared

I feel uncertain

I feel angry

I feel confused

In many respects, when you claim your emotions, it’s similar to removing a weight off of your shoulders.

And, the cool thing is that it frees you up to ask for the things that you want.

Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of “Non-Violent Communication” has a really simple formula for asking for what you want. I created a PDF that outlines the formula and provide some real life examples. 

In this week’s video, I share some examples of how to use the skill of identifying your emotions to position yourself to ask for the things that you want.

For today, I want you to consider the following questions:

What is that one BIG thing that you want, but are fearful to ask for? What is the emotion that you can identify that will free you up to ask for it?

Download the simple 4 step process to ask for what you want; I included some real life examples as well.  

Would love to hear your responses!


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